waiting for a single message has never been this tiring before

2nd semester

i realized as my chemistry teacher asked my class to buy the second semester's book that i'd left the first semester behind.
i haven't finished adapting, for real. but at least i've tried... don't know whether it succeed or not. in my opinion, half yes half not.


oh and i've found my other interest besides some i've had before. language(s) are my territory now.

broke down

my laptop went off. i couldn't break through the password up until now.

next saturday

it means, the 29th of October.
the first semester's report book distribution, means i will know about my score for my super-first semester here.
will the scores also be super too? dunno.

i might not be the winner. no more.

i'd tried to keep it up inside my self, told my brain that it's not a big deal and smiled... but it hurts a lot.
it's okay if they only do that once, but not that often.
what's so wrong about being different from them? not having the same taste with them? is it a big deal? about studies and also about exams, is it wrong if i'd prepared it before and do it without telling them? is it wrong if i sometimes speak in a language they don't know? do they have to care if i don't share the same interest with them?

IS IT THAT FUNNY SO THAT THEY COULD USE IT AS JOKES?

i know that they're only joking. but it's too much and i'm already sick of it. not funny at all.

dry laughs are dry laughs.
i don't ever think that they're my REAL friends.